Morning Kitchen Overwhelm

The other morning I got up, fed Ginger and cleaned her litter box, had breakfast, and then thought.."I'm going to make soup."

Thus began the chopping and sauteing, cooking and immersion blendering.

When the soup was safely in it's jars in the fridge and freezer, I felt the gaze of that old familiar roaming anxiety settle on the mess and disruption in the kitchen, and then the also familiar overwhelm began.

When this happens...and it happens in all kinds of situations....I have noticed that my breathing speeds up and becomes shallow, my heart beats rev up and my mind "clouds over" as it desperately attempts to find a way 'out' without going 'through', desperately wanting to run away, instead of towards, the life/reality that is in front of me.

A very uncomfortable and unproductive, but frequent occurance especially lately, since the major case of anxiety and depression that plagued me last year. I know these propensities toward depession and anxiety have been with me all my life and I also know that their escalation in intensity of late is here for me to once and for all time, see them for what they are and learn effective strategies to live well inspite of them.

So I began to quietly pray, as I do more often now, when I notice that peacefulness is eluding me and anxiety, hurt, depression, whatever, are crowding in on me again.

"Dear God,

Thank You for once again showing me where and when I lose my peace and comfort and joy and turn to my default emotions of hurt, anxiety or pain.

Please show me a way to handle  this situation more calmly, productively and with greater ease.

I am open to Your help. I want to do things differently and I don't know how. Please help me.

Thank you very much for blessing my life with Your wisdom."

 Noticing that I am out of sorts/peace and believing that it could be different and that there is help, are the  awarenesses for me that make a big difference to overcoming the pain, whatever it is.

And then on soup day, the thought came, "Just go one step at a time"...I know we've all heard it before so it could seem like less than inspired advice, but on that morning last week, it got through to me and I went with it.

So... pile the dishes, run the water, clean the blender, wash the dishes, dry some of them, wash some more, wipe the counters, sweep the floor, etc., etc., etc....until....oh wow!!!..the kitchen is tidy and clean...I actually stood back, leaned on the doorjam and surveyed my work of art....to celebrate and congratulate myself for overcoming something very habitually hurtful, and  to cement the lesson into my mind so I would remember it even faster next time that the trusty overwhelm/anxiety came by.

Now, in all kinds of situations, I tell myself..."Just go/do one step at a time"...that is enough, that is kindness directed towards myself...and bit by bit my life and I are walking in and towards Peace.